UNDERGROUND JUSTICE AND HANDMADE LUCK

remember when i said i’d read a book that might have changed my life? i wasn’t just saying that. it’s seriously true. a few years ago when i was first told that estelle getty had written a book, i looked for copies, but to no avail. i was recently telling this story to my friend nicole, who promptly found a million copies of it on amazon. and so i came to be the proud owner of a hardback copy of if i knew then what i know now…so what? die-hard golden girls fans will recognize the title from the episode when sophia is reunited with, and later married to, max weinstock, who tells her “if you knew then what i know now…eh, so what.” it’s cute. quentin tarentino plays one of several elvis impersonators at their wedding. which is a little odd.

ANYWAY. this book is incredible. first of all, it’s estelle. she’s cute as pie. how could it not be great? but if you need to be convinced, the back cover is filled with testimonials from people i would TOTALLY trust: bob hope, whoopi goldberg, mickey rooney, and mf-ing BARRY MANILOW. i saw with no irony that i seriously love barry manilow. seriously seriously. what does he have to say about the book? that it’s “funny, dear, insightful, and inspiring, just like estelle.” barry manilow. what a gentleman.

basically, this book is estelle getty sharing some of her  wisdom and wit with us. if you enjoy golden girls humor, you will love this book. promise. there are too many great moments to share them all, but here are a few that i especially liked:

i also don’t understand the big taboo about people having sex in retirement homes. i don’t get it; it’s not like anyone’s going to get pregnant. more sex in retirement homes!

betty white is miss america.

i eat at the sizzler all the time. they have great fresh salad, and i can eat it until my eyes bug out. more sizzlers!

um admittedly, there is a lot more to the book than more sex in retirement homes and more sizzlers. but it’s a start. seriously, just buy this book and read it. i am so so so happy that i did. next up? books by rue mcclanahan and betty white. it breaks my heart a little that bea arthur hasn’t written a book. but maybe she still will?